Lupus has come a long way in been recognised & treated medically especially in the UK. But still has work to be done in understanding the many layers a Lupus (Lupus SLE in my case) individual has to deal with physically & mentally. To bring awareness to, as it doesn’t just affect you physically but it can affect all areas of your life including social life, work, relationships, mental health & dealing with disability stigma & stereotyping. That same line I get all the time. ‘You don’t look like there’s anything wrong with you’ on day’s I don’t feel good at all. But that’s the issue. Having aneamia also on some day’s I feel so tired which can affect my mood. With Lupus you can go so low but having created my own coping method’s. Taking a day off from the world & social media etc. I will do yoga, fitness &/or write a poem if I get that poetic juice adrenaline where I have to write. As it’s an individual thing to know what brings you into a positive place or just the opportunity to release & let go. Which is so important for my wellbeing once I redirected any frustration from whatever got me feeling any type of potential stress.
That fine line between I want you to see me for me as I stand before you & I have Lupus SLE so there’s day’s I will be withdrawn, tired, unsociable & feeling sick. With the latter being seen as ‘oh you poor thing’ when I haven’t expressed it’s an issue for me so I don’t need your pity. I’m just telling you the truth of my situation.
I guess I learned to be just me & love it. Body scars & all. Not to say when I initially lost my hair through chemo. My weight up & down because of chronic kidney disease (Lupus Nephritis) arthritis etc. If you want to know the full story check out my one of my previous blogs😁👍🏾. It was like I was made to feel guilty for smiling. Especially on sick day’s. The misconception of well your smiling you can’t be that sick. But that’s because the world is so impressionable a lot of people just along with taught beliefs. Rather than everyone is an individual. Not knowing I smile all the time. Because I like it. Which is that simple.
In previous years it was a struggle managing relationships. Family, friends &/or having a romantic relationship. Unable to conceive a child after early menopause was this taboo about how you was perceived as lessening your value (utter ridiculousness btw). Often a tool used by women to some how display a superiority of arrogance because they could. Men having this view of fear that I would have to take care you or I want to take care of you. Equally quite an annoying pussumption. It’s as if you weren’t allowed to be seen as an attractive beautiful sexual being because you had a illness. But as for managing relationships the guilt of saying no was to much. Consistently putting my needs aside because I didn’t want people in my prejudgement of myself that they won’t like me anymore. Which truth be told was very important having had no confidence, self esteem & was feeling at an all time low. Because you realise words can hurt you but only when you give it power. Along with the superficial world that we live in it was hard times. But you get that light bulb 💡 moment. When you say to yourself. My goodness what do you want in life. Who am I. Not someone else’s version of me but me. Then you feel the power come back & say. I’m ready to live my life unapologetically. Not been afraid to be honest with my workplace in saying I’m mentally & physically not in a good place but let them understand with Lupus SLE it can be just a 24 hr period I need to adjust.
I just think the person you was always ment to be has always been within you. It’s just that it got lost because after getting sick with all that your taught & led to believe can’t be felt or done because you’ve been placed lower down the list of what it is to be an ideal person in social hierarchy eyes. It’s when you stop conforming to social ideals. You find that glow. That confidence. As I’m one not to be interested in keeping up the joneses or having someone else tell me who I can or should be. What is appropriate according to age or gender. Theres a freedom that can scare those who know you cannot be stopped or manipulated to give away your power.
With health, fitness & wellbeing it’s providing my energetic juice to function at the best of my ability despite whatever is going on around or inside me. As well as it can transcend into all aspects of my life. Including the management of dealing with everyday life & it’s challenges.
Doing yoga & fitness because I just love it anyway. The results having a more toned body than before is just the bonus. But you find a love for yourself that brings with it confidence with the gift of leaving ego at the door because you know how hard it was/is to make changes & be motivated to stay on track. Including dealing with setbacks. Been able to disregard the pressure’s society puts on people. As we live in a sheep culture. Where if you don’t subscribe to a look & follow trends, have multiple followers/likes on my posts (on that one it would be nice but don’t tell anyone🤫😆 just because it helps me reach more people that can vibe with what I want to get out there about Lupus SLE) so be it massive eyelashes, big butt, 3D eyebrows for example. (Honestly thou my opinion is each to their own. It’s not my place to tell someone how you should look) is a blessing. To say I really don’t care.
Been a professional Yoga & Fitness trainer/instructor/teacher & mentor. Is people taking you seriously with so many out there with the image but not the knowledge, education & training. Can be harmful selling lies. Which is why I feel so passionate about what I do & who I am. Advocating is not just a choice but a privilege.
The great thing about health, fitness & wellbeing. Is it doesn’t discriminate. What applies to those with illness applies to those without. We all have dreams & goals. So get up be active. Don’t be afraid. If you want change then be it.