Yes it’s a new year. But within London it’s just another day in lockdown. But no one made rules whereby you can’t still embrace the chance to celebrate the you that’s made it this far.
After all you didn’t sleep your way through the year. So there will be victories no matter how small to feel good about. Most of all getting to know yourself. Not from the opinion of other people or based on the images on social media, tv or films.
I was never a person to buy into that anyway. Even from a young age I think my mind always had me in a different world to what i was living in at any given time. It could’ve been that been dyslexic might of played a part. Not knowing I was dyslexic until much older one will never really know for su
But the confidence to not care came with age & having Lupus. There was a tendency for people to give an opinion or have a perception based on my physicality (outward appearance). Because we live in a world where we force feed this ideal of how we should look & live our lives. To be attractive & fit in to be happy & succeed.
All of which is not true. But then this world needs to create a story in which large masses buy into. So that creates a demand & depletes the desire for the majority to appreciate & value. Promote their own individuality.
Nothing is more harmful to a person’s view of themselves then subconsciously comparing yourself to another be it looks or they’re persona (personality). Which is different to been inspired. But that’s where the lines get blurred if you don’t know or love yourself from the inside & out.
Having Lupus SLE changed my body but I was grieving for the active, toned shell that I use to have in my early day’s along with hormones changing my mood & thoughts. It was a bad time. I looked at how I was outwardly as to why would anyone love & want me. The constant reminders from people about how I looked before didn’t help when I had just spent an hour having chemotherapy & throwing up. My lovely flowing hair all but gone.
So with every bad moment & that’s what you learn. It’s a moment. There’s the power to acknowledge it & make changes. The lessons from it make you more fearless because you become stronger & more resilient.
Like poetry every feeling of joy, despair, anger, love & heartache can be written in my own words bringing a sense of freedom without speaking it out loud.
It’s also good company especially shielding so many times in lockdown aside from exercising which I love to do not just because it’s graced me with improved health mentally & physically.
It also stops me been idle. Have something that lifts my mood, think & be active. Just as those passionate about dancing or gardening for example. It’s just me & whatever it is I’m doing. I don’t need the news to tell me it’s grim outside my door or TV/social media to set the mood of whether or not I can live my life the happiest it’s ever been.
So 2021 is my glow up year because everything I have gone through & learnt is now felt inside & out. With the confidence & life I had been working towards just by living it by my own terms.
I hope you all have a happy new year 💫.